1990's Fighting Game's Hardest Bosses

I'm a calm man (I think so and my friends would agree to as long as I lay off the booze) and I rarely lose my cool especially when it comes to something as simple as a video game. Its a real pain in the ass however to face a challenge so grueling, unforgiving and unfair that the controller to my SNES or my Genesis leaves a dent in my drywall. Everyone has- at one point- turned thier controller into a projectile so don't start laughing as you read, thats the main reason that 3rd party companies make replacement controllers for game systems. They certainly don't build controllers like they did the origional NES ones back in the 80's and I'm sure that they have the 'rage prone' gamer in mind for designing new ones: one hit against a wall or floor and boom!, plastic everywhere.

Fighting games of the 1990's didn't give us our victories very easily, and more times than many we all suffered the wrath of bosses so horribly hard that we would turn to our Game Genie's and cheat codes JUST to say 'I did it'. I choose to not grant myself a victory so cheaply until i had finished the game myself, and I when that was done, i'd dabble in that crap later. Gaming is supposed to be a challenge and in arcades the games were even harder because that roll of quarters that burned a hole in your pocket wasn't going to spend itself, now was it? Hell that girl in high school never believed it was your penis anyways.

Bosses in games are just like bosses at work, they cripple your spirit and successfully remind you that you CANNOT press a button fast enough and/or at the right time. No one ever really remembers an easy one like KI2's Gargos, or Mk2's Shao Kahn. Its those cheap, AI controlled, and borderline psychic oppenents that drove us normally calm gamers to the 'cheat' sections of the gaming magazines.

Let's take a look at some of the toughest (I think anyways):

Kintaro (MK2): According to the story of Mortal Kombat 2, Goro lost the first Mortal Kombat tournament and it might have something to do with the fact that he was weak and didn't block much. I beat Goro after 1 try just by doing jump kicks, (cakewalk!). But Kintaro, Goro's brother is way meaner and way pissed off. He blocks almost every thing that heads his way and doesn't give you a lot of oppurtunity to strike for free. I could only beat this four arm goliath with Kitana because he did fall for the 'fan lift' attack a lot, but he didn't fall for much else. To make matters worse, his stomp attack was hard enough to kill half the life bar, and every hit that he landed on you threw your character across the screen. Kintaro wasn't a fair fight, but he was possible to defeat and when you did, you already felt like you had beaten the whole game even though Shao Kahn was waiting for you next.

M.Bison (SF 2,3, Alpha and god only knows how many others): A flying, stomping, and scissor kicking threat to your sanity. The trick of beating Bison was just to 'get lucky' and hold back to make sure you block whatever he decides to hit you with next. There was no telling what he'd do either. One second he jumps and stomps your head than he follows it the next second a flaming hand slap of some kind. Then just when you think you got him and you channeling that final blow fireball, he flies at you with an electrically-charged arm out and blows past your projectile and fries you into defeat. At this point you either set your SNES on fire or you might have to explain to a zit-faced virgin that runs the arcade just WHY you put your fist into the screen of thier Street Fighter 2 cabinet.

Vega (SF2 the only one he was technically an unplayable 'boss' in): You ever had a fly bugging you while you sleep or drive and no matter what, you can't possibly kill it, because the little fucker dodges nearly every swipe of your hand and fly-swatter? Thats SF2's pretty boy fighter, Vega. Nevermind the sexual orientation or androngenus image of this all-too-vain SF2 brawler. What pissed more gamers like me off was the fact this asshole never stood still.

Eyedol (Killer Instinct): I hate this son of a bitch. Eyedol played as fair as Hitler. For starts he delievered punishing combos that killed have your life bar. Oh! But if you were lucky enough at all to have damaged him beforehand, then after the combo that he branded you with he'd end it with a club smash that sent you flying 30 feet in the air, giving him time to stomp his foot and recharge a portion of his health. The same club smash can also be used to slap incomming projectiles back at you with triple the speed, making you feel like a stupid cock for thinking you could 'fireball' you way to victory. Rare and Nintendo owe anyone that defeated Eyedol a hookers' blowjob, because the games endings just seemed too small a reward after trying to kill a boss that cheats.

Motaro and (sort of) Shao kahn (MK3): Forget how stupid he looked, or how much of the damn screen his horse/human body took up. Mortaro was a cheater. EVERY projectile attack bounced off of his body and hit you, so forget about trying to freeze him. A slight punch from this centurian turned you into a human cannon and threw you against the screens edge, and any time he blocked an attack you would be then picked up and pummeled with his fist. Your reward for beating him was having to fight an upgraded verion of Shao Kahn now armed with a 50 lbs sledgehammer that knocked you unconcious, leaving no wonder that MK3 blew so much.

Death (Timekillers): A notorious blocker, a heavy hitter, a speeder and not defeatable unless you stun him and then kill him via 'death move'. All the more reason that Timekillers was so ill-recieved.

[Thats really what comes to mind so far, if you readers have one leave me a comment and i'll try that one out, just keep in mind these are FIGHTING games from the 90's. I want to always keep this blog intersting even it if it is about the past. Thanks.]

Hell Comes to Dad's Office Computer

It's been said that the most vile and contoversial things can become the most popular, and in the world of gaming that fact is clearly seen. Many of of saw our first look at a gory video game with Mortal Kombat, the fighting game that might have just been a lame punch-kick game with digitized graphics if not for all the blood that spalttered with every hit your opponents face. Mortal Kombat would have died out if not for its adult themed violence. The Grand Theft Auto series gives a look at the thug life and gives us to oppurtunity to be as bad assed as we have always wanted to be, but were afriad to do in the real world. Resident Evil pits us a against an entire army of the undead, and puts you through an adventure that makes the heart race, surprising you forcing you to charge every corner with every barrel alblaze. Doom gave us gamers a chance to battle our asses off out of hell, mars and earth-bound hell, and it did this with a concept in gaming that continues today, First Person viewing.

In the early 90's computers had a new buzzword called "Virtual Reality". Origionally the idea wasn't JUST for video games, but eventually it made VR its best selling point. The idea was to put a person into a computer generated world and make them believe they were somehow inside it and affecting it, not just watching it and playing. VR's transition to video games was a natural and obvious one, and why not? Who wouldn't want to BE Mario rather than just watch Mario. The VR craze wasn't a long lived one, that is, if your idea of being inside a video world meant strapping and uncomfortable headset to your face that shined a brightly lit video LCD screen in your eyes. The screen showing you early wireframe polygon graphics that moved at slow framerates and looked just as they looked,... like graphics.

Despite it drawbacks, VR was still ok and convincing. County Fairs and arcades had VR stations where people could get lost in that trippy pixelated world where they could shoot, kill, dance, drive, or even just ride a roller coaster without actaully going anywhere. It was a pop-culture sensation and an easy venue for naughy things as well. One could go to virtual strip clubs and even have virtual sex. Gaming companies pounced on this concept. Nintendo was widely known for the development of its VR device called the "Virtual Boy" and it was a total flop. Nintendo's VB console had red stereostropic grapics with the resolution of its previous system the Game Boy, all you did was look into the oversized viewmaster-esque display and enjoy playing Tennis. The manual for the system advised its users to take breaks during playing to avoid the headaches that followed, few games were made and the system was garage sale fodder after it was canned. Kudos to nintendo for taking the risk. Sega had a much cooler full color VR system in the works, and it never got released (maybe they had other plans like competing against themselves by making another system identical to the Genesis). Bummer.

In the world of computers, VR was becoming popular as well, but the whole headset thing was kinda ignored. Why would you need that? When you look at the screen you lose all periferal vision anyways, and if the world is interesting enough then who cares if it projected from a screen on the desk or two inches from your eyes? The game idea of VR was to put you into the characters eyes and make you the one that controls what that character does.

There was probably a few attempts to make this all come to light, few of which are noticeable. The most notable attempt in first person gaming was a shooter called Wolfenstein 3D. W3D was you controlling a soldier blasting through level after level of a Nazi prison camp. The game was quite fun, you got different weapons and fought against hordes of Nazi foot soldiers, and even got to fight the big bad bosses at the end of each episode. The graphics were ok to the standards of () it showed us a cartoon of violence that we got to see through the eyes of a battle hardened prisoner of the 3rd reich. This game has some gore happy fun to it as well, making it a parents worst nightmare on daddy's home office computer. One company was brave enough to release this title: id Software.

Id software (pronouned 'Eed' not 'eye-dee') had an artist, John Carmack and that artist had a dream to make a fun submervise adventure in 3d worlds. Id software had been successful in creating a 3d graphics engine that was capable of putting you inside rooms and letting you navagate through them, open doors, interact with objects and yes, even shoot shit.

W3d came out in 1992 and was an undergorund sensation and a controverisial hit. The graphics didn't look all that, but the gameplay was and more. The controversy was there from the start, and why? well the violence was a good start, but also the use of nazi symbols made a lot of people uncomfortable. It makes no sence in this day and age, at least not to me the writer(Who wouldn't want to kill nazis? Its not like they don't have it comming). Most of the controvery was just from the blood, gore and the fact that you were running into rooms with guns, and parents just weren't ready or basically refused to excersize the right to put thier foot down and say, "no billy you may not play that game!" This was also before games like Mortal Kombat warped everyones fragile minds.

Id software was on the map in the gaming world and they met with a challenge. Many episodes were made of W3d and it was getting kinda old. How do you follow the funnest and most violent first person shotter without repeating the formula and boring the audience further. Id software bounced ideas about a car racing game with the adult violence theme in mind, but things moved back to the shooter format. They had advanced thier engines graphics capabilities as far as looks but they had decided to pit you the gamer against the grandaddy of all villans, Satan. After all Hitler had to become evil somehow? Why not make the devil your prime target.

Doom was what the name implied. You were fucking doomed from level one. Rooms were dark some had flikering lights, some had these computer panels on the wall, some were stone stuctures with a blocky gothic look, some walls looked as if they were constructed from a sheetrock made of human innards and flesh wallpapering it all like if Ed Gein was an interior designer. Some areas has pools of toxic waste that would damage you if you if you walked on it without a special suit. The environment wasn't scary really but we knew exactly what the game designers were thinking. Hell was now a realistic place, with wooden walls or large pools of blood that drained your health if you were to ever lose your footing and fall. The level design was bigger than in W3d, The game took place in a variety of settings like Mars, Hell, Earth with Hell on it, Mars with hell on it, Earth with Mars on it, Earth, Mars and Hell all put into a blender. I can only remember so much but it was all cool but eventually it all looked alike to me. So much in so little of a package. Each level was about getting to that red panel at the end. To reach that panel your going to have to get VERY fuckin creative or VERY fuckin lucky. The game play was the same thing, again and again, but it was the RIGHT same thing over and over.

Find key #1
To open the door #2
To throw switch #3
To bring up the drawbridge that leads to an exit.
And don't let the throng of zombies and fat monsters with flameball throwers for hands stop you.

Fun as fuck. But that wasn't enough to create a hostile environment, you needed to hear it and sound played a good role. Most of Dooms sound effects were sampled. I still watch movies and hear Doom sounds of opening doors, rockets flying, and demons growling. But the shotgun sound sticks into your head and doesn't let go. I can hear that in my sleep. the chainsaw buzz makes you WANT to tear some demon flesh..

Your enemies were a diverse lot, solidiers, pink demons that bite, brown imps that throw fireballs at you, flaming skulls, skeletons with rocket launchers, really bad ass looking monsters that... well you get the picture, it was big even though all of the characters were just 2d images that were drawn in multiple angles. These enemies gave your trigger finger a workout with an array of different weapons that you could use.

Your weapons were a diverse -and simple to weild- lot as well. You had the shitty pistol, your fist (with a pointy ring on the index finger), a shotgun (in doom 2 you got a double barreled shotgun), a chainsaw (on mars!?), a plasma shooter, a rocket launcher, a chaingun (to make you feel like the terminator) and who could forget the big fucking gun called the BFG 9000. Fire one round of the BFG and watch all your enemies flash out in a green spark. Watch the rocket launcher turn that Pinky demon into mush. The chainsaw was too much fuckin fun and handy when your trigger happy adventure leaves you with no bullets.

Your weapons were your only ally and it was fun not to have to worry about who NOT to shoot at, most games these days just bog you down with crappy AI controlled side soldiers that LOVE standing in front of your barrel. Another great note was that it was almost impossible to screw up, there was no 'secondary fire' that caused you to lob a grenade at a bad moment, all one needed to do was hit the fire button.

If you even still have the CD (or Floppy disk package) give Doom and Doom 2 a whirl. Theres a good chance you might not like it as much as Halo or Halflife. Your surprised at the origionals limitations, its like playing pacman again. Its still beyond fun to enter that cheat code and go beserk but suddenly your brought back to the old days. Your character can't jump. The rooms are long and 1 story, the games engine couldn't have rooms above a room. Enemies are as dumb as dumb, the only thing they have in mind is to run at you with arms flailing. You can't look up, down or all around. Believe it or not THIS was hardcore entertainment in that time and we still had a long way to go.

Your challenges never went beyond JUST STAY ALIVE, it was a survial game, not really startegy. The cyberdemon is a GREAT example of this. You see this skyscraper with metal legs and your first instinct is to shoot it. Good idea, you just better run like hell while you do it, or you'll become rocket fodder in no time. The sound of those stomping feet are still in my head. I would run my character around the entire level looking for that heath pack or ammo crate and meanwhile I can hear him stomping his ass my way, looking from me.

Dying in this game was something horrifying. Your tough as nails character would let out a shreak and your viewpoint would drop to the floor. The screen would go red and the image of your character at the bottom of the screen looked as he had just recently just called Mike Tyson a pussy. Another insult to injury was that the view also turns to what ever son of a bitch shot you down. Thats just teasing you, but at least you learned about that imp that was hiding in the corner you never thought to look.

The point to all this is that Id software was and to this day still is absolutely genius at creating a sence of urgency. You panicked while playing Doom. It was hell and you had a damn fun time fighting through the place. At the end of the game nothing was better than seeing that kill count from the final level of doom 2, when you had to get upon a platform and drive a rocket into the demon's head monted on the wall of that last, big arena. It sounds simple and it would be if only that head on the wall wasn't spitting out floating boxes that transported more demons that would get in your way. Doom had a scoring system as well that displayed at the end of each level, but really did anyone care? Not me.

Multiple versions of the game were made. Doom 2 was bigger and badder. The aformetioned double barrel shotgun was a treat to use. new enemies filled the screen and by the final version of Doom (called Final Doom) the developers went all out to make your life hell, but of course they also new that you the gamer knew the id cheat codes which gave you inviciblity. There was then no harm in making levels filled with every monster times 1000. It was overkill and the most outrageous company with the most successful shooter ever made moved on to other projects.

Though Doom gave people entertainment, it also gave others ideas. Controversy of course erupted in the wake of the columbine shooting, when 2 students with a lot of guns but no brains whatsoever walked into thier school and turned it into a Doom level. They killed (13) students and then eventually themselves. Since the two boys were avid players of Doom, it was obvious that the game was going to have the right wing finger pointing to it and it did. It was a controversy that ultimently was labeled as ludicris to most of the gaming world since millions of other people that had played Doom never hurt anyone. Games like Doom really shouldn't JUST be denied to young children, parents need to also look at thier kids mental state before you let him escape into a world of death and destruction, because you never know if your scatterbrained teen might just lose thier sense of realilty altogether. At the age of 14-17 a kid needs a job more than a video game and internet access.

I played doom religiously and never hurt a soul. Theres proof for you. I know that the gun in my characters hand is just a sprite. I also know that while killing demons is ok, killing people is not, because:

A. Its wrong, and most importantly,

B. Its against the law!

Id software did move on, and suffered through the heat, flack and success of Doom. Nearly every gaming console had a realease of Doom. Even low end ones like the Snes and the Sega genesis (with the 32X attachement) had a version worthy of the name. The greatest success for id even continued when they made another great legendary shooter: Quake. Quake would go on to be the game that not only gave us everything Doom lacked, but also powered other great shooters of the future like Half Life.

Id software returned in 2004 with Doom 3. Again, everyone had to tweak thier gaming rigs to play it just like back in the day with the old Doom. The graphics were dark but good enough to still scare us into a frezny and make us want to play with the lights on. The game was not near perfect. It was long, repetative, way to dark and had some feature problems that made the game seem to not make sence (like the flashlight that could not be used along with a weapon), but really the harshest reviews of Doom 3 were made by people expecting the origonal experience (which will NEVER happen). The first Doom game are on a plane so high that nothing will ever out do it. It was nice to see that the old dogs of ID learned new tricks and showed the other tough kids on the block how a shooter is made. Not even Microsoft and its 'Halo' series can reach the same legendary status as Doom had. [Hmm do I dare challenge the big 'M' with the big 'H' title that is worshipped by biggest ' L's '(losers). Yeah fuck it, why not. This is MY blog dammit.]

The first person shooter is in full swing now, and the Microsoft X box 360 has carried the torch. Halo dominates the scene (though I don't know why seeing how its the most overrated shooter of all time). There is now millions of people around the world who 'frag' each other on a 24/7 time frame. Its nuts! War is no longer fought in the real world and if it is, its flying way over the heads of Halo, Counterstrike and Unreal players all over the world. The harsh words of flaming get thrown around in chat rooms, spoken by gamers who talk as if they're foul mouthed fourth graders on crack. A man in America is fighting in a virtual hell right now against everyone in the world VIA broadband connection, all for the sake of higher points. I'm not saying its wrong, I'm not saying its sad, or even that the industry has forgotten the point of good gaming, I'll just say that I miss the good old days, when all that mattered was getting to that red panel and ending the level. The rest of those 'professional' Halo players can enjoy living in thier sister's basement.

90's Fighting games- The Honerable Mentions

Snk's well done fighter, with a story written by the same people that penned beat-em-ups back in 1985. Girl gets kidnapped, boyfriend (never a husband thats too hard to follow) goes on a bad ass mission to save her and has to beat up generic thugs along the way.
Limb chopping off fun. Drawn by someone in 5th grade art class, before his perturbed teacher had him admitted to a rubber room.

Dinosaurs, blood, guts, flatulence. Atari was a far better publisher than console maker. Its too bad it was just a flash in the pan.

You now see the foundation for Tekken. I really like how we have a beautiful sky back there and these very synthetic and unorganic characters. Great steps in a fighting game, and we had to wait for the Saturn in order to play it at home.

This list of the top 5 fighting games of the 1990's has been a blast to make, I've been enjoying every pixel of it and sadly there wasn't enough great games for me to do a top TEN that would be easily understood by all who owned the great 16 bit consoles like the SNES and Genesis. Truthfully, I'm was kinda torn by some of these games because some were good but really not THAT good. To be on the top 5 list, you really had to be unforgettable in every aspect.

These following games didn't suck, they were all good, but not great either and I have explained just WHY they didn't make it. I feel its my duty to at least give them a moment in the sun. These game are in no particular order, they're all equally mediocre.

Primal Rage (Atari 1994): Dinosaurs and giant apes duking it out, eating humans for health during matches, gathering worshippers and performing death moves ala Mortal Kombat. No better ideas have been made by Atari. This game had cool stop-motion animated graphics of prehistoric menaces to the 'Urth' beating each other into a bloody paste all for world domination.

What went wrong: This game suffered from horrible and almost embarrassing console releases that looked ok, but had all the fun censored out. Also this series never went ahead with its sequel and honestly that move caused this series an untimely death. Quite a surprise for a franchise that gave birth to action figures and other merchandise. It could have been magical. Magical, I say.

Timekillers (Strata/Incredible Technologies, 1992): I don't care what anyone says, I loved this game! It was more violent than MK and was creatively inclined with its 'limb loss' feature. Whats better than cutting off an arm or a head to win a match? This game will get its own article very soon, just wait.

What went wrong: This game gets put on a lot of fighting games 'Worst of' lists and its not hard to see why. The game really needed a lot more work. More frames on animation, better looks for its cookie cutter characters, and a system of combat that's easy to follow would have helped. The story to this game really didn't exist until its loathsome console release on the Genesis, to which bred a plot that didn't really make sense or even get followed, we just wanted to chop some arms off. This game really looks rushed, and this could be due to the fact that it was made to cash in on the Mortal Kombat rage. All in all, 10 year old can draw homemade comic books that look better than this game.

ClayFighter (Visual concepts/ Interplay, 1993) : This game was fun, admit it. It was the first time that a fighting game had a sense of humor and the first time we got to see a game that made of other games. We all loved it so don't deny it! This games graphics were made from stop motion clay animated figures, all of them armed with an array of fighting moves and a smart ass-ed attitude. Best part is, was that all of its character were very unique and innovative, with the exception of one that really killed this game. Which brings us too...

What went wrong: The 'N. Boss'. The boss and lost fighter of CF that you fought against was a circle of spherical balls that threw other players projectiles at you. No punches no kicks, NOTHING, just a circle that attacks you. So lame, so half-assed. There is a game programmer out there kicking himself in the face right now due to his boneheaded decision to staple this travesty into an otherwise good game. Other than that, I noticed that this game didn't have a lot of frames of animation causing it to look really choppy. I know my SNES can do better than this.

Virtua Fighter (Sega, 1993): A fully rendered 3d fighting game that finally gave us a camera that wasn't JUST showing the side view of a fight. We started to really see what was possible in a 3 dimensional world and 'virtual' reality suddenly didn't have to involve playing a crappy shooter with a pair of giant electric goggles strapped to our head. Seeing this game these days kinda reminds us of that Dire Straits music video, we see martial arts being performed by a diverse lot of unmotivated characters, fighting in a video game was now realistic, which was a nice change from the gore riddled world of Mortal Kombat. But that also brings us to..

What went wrong: This game was so... ssslllooowww! It was like the fighters had gum stuck to their shoes. Jumping attacks now required you to do formulas in modern physics just to land a mid-air kick. The worst also came from the Genesis console release of VF, which included NO polygon based graphics, which is impossible for the Genesis to do, and there was the revelation that this game really was all about looks, and less about action.

Teenage Mutant Ninja(hero) Turtles:Tournament Fighters (Mirage/ Konami, 1993) : Our four shell shocked smart ass-ed heroes along with other characters of that series having a fighting tournament and the winner takes April home to have their way with her with a dirty weekend in the turtle van, or just fight for money. Cool characters, good Street Fighter inspired controls. I liked it actually. Yeah thats right, screw you, I liked this game.

What went wrong: No one else liked it. Besides did we need another frigging TMNT game?

No.

Art of Fighting (Snk/ Takara for the console release, 1993): Great fighting game with an innovative control scheme. Using the 'special' buttons meant dealing blows that made your opponents into bruised paste. Bouncing off of walls and dealing a flying kick to the face was beyond satisfying. I love and still screw with this game and discover new tricks all the time. All the characters have personalities that don't blatantly copy other games like and before it. The best part was that the SNES version has almost ALL the fun of the original arcade version, right down to the camera 'zoom' effects.

What went wrong: Almost nothing really, this game rocks. However this games plot follows the story of 2 men out to get the gang leader that kidnapped their girl. That story was used up 5 years before this game was made, and it was in its prime with Double Dragon. Also in the story mode you can only play as 2 characters. So we have the same used-up story involving the same 2 used up hero guys, one man is a martial arts expert with an unpronounceable Japanese name, and the other is an American pretty boy with a pony tail. I'm shocked this never became a cheesy action movie starring Steve Segal and Kurt Russel.

Eternal Champions (Sega, 1993): The Sega Genesis was getting its ass handed to them by Nintendo and its SNES. Why? Badly executed or horribly translated fighting games. Solution? Make one that's specifically for the Genesis, hype it up to commercially high levels, and try to advertise a failure motion controlled prep behind it (remember the Sega Activator?) . This was a creative and well received stab at one upping Timekillers by being WAY more complex story and fighting style wise. Great characters that span across time and cultural borders, good moves that present themselves as being linkable for combos and other specials and CGI death moves exclusively on the Sega CD system version that put Mortal Kombats' fatalities to shame. A top choice for Genesis fans.

What went wrong: It was on the Genesis.

Street Fighter EX (Arika/Capcom 1996): There is 6 games in this series spinoff of Capcom's fighting classic, all of them in full 3d. These games weren't bad at all, but it does definately scream the fact that Capcom was trying to get a hold of the 3d market of fighting games that was established by Sega's Vitua Fighter Series, and also Tekken. (I myself personally failed to include most of the 3d fighting games mainly due to the fact that as an old timer of video games I didn't own the Playstation until it was late in that consoles' life.) The fighting mechcanics of SFEX remain very faithful to the 2D origional series, only this time we get to see the dragon punch from a full 360 degree angle, so it still wins.

What went wrong: Nothing really, but theres no way you remembered this game until just now when you read this. Admit it.

Street Fighter Alpha (1995 Capcom): Great follow up to the other 3 versions of SF2, despite the fact that this game is actaully a prequel story-wise. The action is fast, the animation and character design looks fantastic, and the fighting system of 'spirit moves' give this game a 1 up above all the other SF games. It was exciting to see that Cap' wasn't giving us ANOTHER tired translation or update of SF2.

What went wrong: Again NOTHING. But SNES console owners got totally screwed on this, and forced them to go out and get a Playstation. Oh well, I guess we had to move on. I also thought the 'Dan' Character was a big pansy (c'mon the pink karate suit?), but that's done on purpose.

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Stay tuned ladies and gents, the WORST list is on the way (and man, is it long).

Strange Finds: My totally amazing EXCELLENT discovery... NOT!

Wayne's World (yes, it was made into a video game)

1993

THQ

SNES,Genesis,Gameboy,NES (maybe others but who would care?)

Before comedian Mike Myers was 'shagadelic' and 'randy' as Austin Powers, he was Wayne Campbell of Aurora Illinois, a lovable loser that hosted a public access cable show along side his shy and quirky companion, Garth Algar. A running skit on Saturday Night Live like this didn't really NEED a movie behind it, but people loved the mullet-headed-hair-metal-loving dofuses that looked as if they were making a show while inside of a nogahide walled Midwestern family room basement, surrounded by the very things that made them losers: Their mom and dads antique collection, sports equipment, and 1980's rock memorabilia. These two lovable doucebags sat on a presumably smelly davenport and talked about rock, babes, and... rock. Hollywood of course HAD to squeeze pennies from this half-baked idea.

After the movie was out and was a hit, the other Hollywood; Video games, needed to cash in as well, and thus brings us to the subject at hand: Wayne's World: the video game. That sudden scream of horror or perhaps that quick burst of WTF laughter was you.

I don't know what is worse so please feel free to tell me:

A mediocre movie based on a crappy comedy sketch or...

A Video game about a mediocre movie, based on a crappy comedy sketch?

Whatever- the point is, this game sucked. Wayne is a large-headed bobble doll that runs around with his guitar. Not that cool white Fender Stratocaster that he bought in the film but a really horrible green pawn shop fodder guitar. Hit the attack button and he unleashes a riff that sends out killer sound waves that destroy evil. He jumps incredible distances around levels that sorta resemble guitar shops and rock clubs, defending the world-Wayne's World- from what is presumably evil,... bad,... things. He does all this with a sarcastic grin on his face that just fuckin BEGS to have a foot violently shoved in it heel first.

I have played this catastrophe and haven't even made it past level one. This is somewhat due to bad playability, but its mostly due to just the absolute horror on screen. I would rather watch a a farmer have sex a dead goat than play this waste of electricity. OH I forgot, did i mention WHAT KIND of evil your fighting and jumping around about? MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS!! but these are not 'cool' musical instruments like guitars or basses, oh no! These are lame ones like bag pipe with evil eyes on them that float around and assault you with noise. Drum sets that pummel you, and who wouldn't fear the mighty accordion that whacks you when you get too close? I didn't even lose at this game and I wanted to stomp a mud hole into my controller after playing. I think the only high point is hearing the sound clip of Wayne saying 'Shawing!' Wow thats pretty risky, a video game penis joke in 1993 didn't happen.

The gameplay is muddy, frustrating, and very untested. It seems like this was a rock and roll platformer that just had Wayne's annoying smile pasted to the character. This game features odd cut scenes that contain sketch inspired dialogue, but none of it is funny. There was no need for this game, and no reason to believe it would convince gamers to spend $50 or even $10 on the cart. This is the kind of game cart you accidentally steal while at a Goodwill when you were looking at the suspecting old bag behind the counter and were reaching for that must-have Gradius 3 cart but missed your mark, you get home pull the plastic box out from inside the crotch of your baggy jeans and DAMMIT you got the wrong one.

Now as I write this I realize that games and failure of this kind wasn't uncommon in gaming back in the 90's or even now. A lot of bad games are games based on movies, a movie comes out, people like it, and they want to experience it at home. No problem, but why do games based on movies usually SUCK?

Remember ET? Atari, armed with its 2600 console made a game based on the successful 1982 film and rushed its release date and gave the poor programmer only 6 weeks to build the game. The end result was appalling, the game made little sense, the graphics were ugly and made ET look like a mangled green cock. The gameplay consisted of falling in about 200 holes in order to find pieces of his phone to 'phone home'. This game was loaded on millions of cartridges and all of them came back to Atari. Along with that, Atari was in a financial crisis due to banking way too much on this game and the success that it never had a snowballs chance in hell of receiving. The video game crash was now in full swing and 1982-83 became a dark 2 years for gaming. It might not be ET's fault alone, but you don't end up burying millions of carts in New Mexico on 'just a bad call'. Its true. Atari broke and overstocked buried millions of ET carts, when faced with dire circumstances.

Things are different nowadays but very little has actually changed. Total Recall on the NES, Wayne's World on the SNES, Genesis, and Gameboy, Waterworld- and in this modern age- Enter The Matrix. The industry just hasn't learned its lesson. Very rarely does a video game based on a movie do well in the eyes of gamers. I myself think we all could do without it, we don't need crap based on crap, it just piles higher and higher.

Thank God Lucasarts makes Starwars games that deliver the goods, so maybe I'm wrong. But come on- WAYNE'S WORLD? Why?

90's fighting game top 5 list-Number One- Mortal Kombat 2

[I will make a lot of enemies for putting this game on the top of the 1990's fighting game pedastel. In which case I will advise all potential whiners and bitchers to create their own damn blog if you disagree. oh and by the way, blow me.]

Mortal Kombat 2 ( or II)

Arcade and also 'Throw a rock at any 1990's era gaming machine and anyone you hit most likely that system had a release of this top notch fighter except the Jaguar and 3DO consoles.'

1993

Midway

Sequels are almost always a let-down. From movies to video games to sex, it seems like lightning just won't strike twice. There is a magic in that first time experience, and you never get it like you had it before, its just not the same. I think the main problem is when it comes to any media (or sex) the second time around needs to be DIFFERENT- not just a repeat.

The world loved the first MK. Arcades had to get multiple cabinets just to cut down on the lines. 50 cents became a normal and acceptable price for a credit at a video game. Grown men- 20 somethings- and more crowded this machine. All for a game that was clunky, slow and had only ONE good selling point: Hardcore violence.

So in 1992 when MKII was on the table at Midway I'm almost positive that they held some kind of meeting. I don't know the story and frankly few people care about HOW this game was made. But my instinct tells me that Midway's suits read through piles of mail and page after page of reviews of MK just to see where they went wrong and what could be done better. Midway listened and Midway delievered.

The gaming world felt the heat of the original Mortal Kombat, and a mojority of those who felt it, liked it but they hated the slowness. Not being able to duck under projectiles, slow walking back and forth, only 1 fatality per person, way too easy bosses, a meaningless scoring system, 'Test your might', blurry looking digitized characters, the secret Reptile character being just a green speedy rip-off of Scorpion. The list goes on and fucking on. It was a great game but it was in no ways perfect and its predacessor needed to have more balls, more speed and a HELL of a different look. The first game was foundation to the series and its control system was good, albeit ADEQUTE. The characters for the second MK needed look more,.. cool (for lack of a better term), which ment no more fighting in outfits that look like halloween costumes. The characters needed to be better than just looking cool, we needed some that didn't even look human. Goro looked like a tall man with 2 extra arms (at least to me). Shang Tsung looked like an old fart fighting in a kimono.

The world of MK need a facelift too, Which meant things needed to be turned upside-down. The world and story of MKII had to take a completely different turn to the left. Why not places with floating monks or people on fire? Why not pit levels where the spikes are now on the ceiling or better yet no spikes at all just flat ground in which to splat someone.

Fans held thier collective breath. Not Midway though, they knew this was going to be a hit. No one spends over a year on a game unless its going to rock (unless your John Romero of Daikitana fame). This was 1993 and the video game making process wasn't into the 'Hollywood budget' phase yet. Making games then might have been tough then but compared to now its small potatoes.

I was a small boy when this game came out. I saw that all my friends had the EGM's and ANY magazine that remotely tried to report on this game. The first pictures I saw really blew me away, I was shocked by just how 'dark' the new MK was, and I'm not just talking about violence and content, it was just dark. The Outworld the MKII was set in was nightime almost 24-7. I ended up begging to get to the nearest bowling alley arcade just to see this game. Just to see it, thats all, and because of all the grown men and thier endless rolls of quarters, I NEVER played MKII until its console release.

This version of MK had speed and then some. Matches were heated and two experts can be done pounding each other for two rounds in as little as 30 seconds. MK was really born for arcades which means your going to be playing very quickly and the machine will rob as many quarters as it can get. The speed was a welcome change and a well handled one at that.The fighting style was the same but with the new speed-up, it was now time to see how fast you could 'juggle' your opponent. The block button will always be a MK staple, don't even try to run away. We'll never see an MK without that god damn, fucking BLOCK button.

The arcade version of this game featured a DCS sound system that nearly shook the damn cabinet. Characters screamed, blows sounded like explotions, splatters of blood made you think of raw meat hitting the kitchen floor, 'Get over here' finally meant GET THE FUCK OVER HERE, and the announcer's voice was deep and menacing enough to get you in the mood to kick some ass. Music was now full and engaging, painting the world of MK in a new 'fantasy' light. Its a shame that the arcade is dead, because this game was the loudest when arcades were in thier prime.

The look of the game was far out there. The world of MK wasn't the same after this because in the story all the fighters are now competing in a place called Outworld. This place was surrealistic and yet still easy to recognize. You fought in wastelands littered with dead bodies impaled on spikes, or in forests with trees that bellow and have faces. Outworld was like Hell but with an oriental theme. There were 3 pit levels ranging from spikes on the roof, to pools of acid, and even just a flat stone ground that broke your enemies. One level that cathes the story followers eye is the Arena level were we see that Kano and Sonya are chained up and imprisoned.

Along with the backgrounds this game had a much more 'painted' look. The first MK took realistic images and put them onto fake CGI backgrounds, which resulted in a tacky 'cardboard cutout' look. MKII was much better, all the characters look real but also have a 'painted' look, as if artists with millions of colors are illustrating a moving picture. It wasn't 'photo-real', it was stylized and artistically asthetic, not to mention easy to pass the most discriminating eye. I'm into art myself so I might be one of the few that noticed this about MKII. Point is, it looked way better than the blurry shit from before.

The fighters got a makeover as well. The ninja costumes on Subzero, Scorpion and the now playable Reptile look WAY better. They have these cool coverings over thier mouth that look more like guards made of plastic or metal instead of just cloth. The two female fighters fight in knee highs and carry weapons like razor sharp chinese fans or ninja sais. Baraka was a totally new look, he is a mutant from the out world with a large jaw and metal shards that come out of his arms ala Wolverine. Kung Lao fights with a hat that has razor blade around the brim. The only character that sucks is the returning Johnny Cage, fighing in jogging pants and blowing kisses after a victory (rolling eyes). Fuckin candy ass.

The story kicked ass and was good enough for a movie. After Liu Kang wins the first MK game (according to the written story of MKII, your winning character to beat MK doesn't matter), Shanf Tsung goes back to outworld with his 500 year old ass in his hand and Goro's corpse to explain to his boss, Shao Kahn. Shao Kahn is fair enough to allow Shang Tsung a second shot and restores him to his youthful 30ish year old prime. But theres a catch, the MK fighting team from the last game needs to be taught a lesson. So Shao and Shang kidnap Sonya and Kano and invite the gang, both evil and good to go to Outworld duke it out and pervoke them to try and stop Shao Kahn from either losing his mind and killing them first or even worse, invading the Earth world. Other fighters are just out for personal glory and a spot in Kahn's throne. Thats the story, hope it was clear cause I'm not writting more into it.

The two new bosses were tough. I mean it. Goro is now dead and his bigger, meaner and cheaper brother Kintaro is PISSED! He still had four arms but also tiger stripes on his back. He could jump out the screens' view and then stomp on you and drain half your life bar. The only way to defeat him was to stick to a pattern and don't stand still. But don't expect a victory on the first try (or even on the 5th). Shao Khan, the final boss was bad too but since he likes to point at you and gloat during a match, he was much easier. I guess if you spent enough time to defeat Kintaro than Shao Kahn is your chance to rest a little. Kahn had a penchant for cheap moves that take a lot off your health, some moves being very slow moving kicks that knock you to the other side of the screen. Totally cheap, but satisfying once beaten.

The AI was better and the improvement came from how the computer tended to 'mirror' your patterns, that is if you had a pattern. Don't expect to do the same moves more than twice. The cpu would just cut you down before you can keep it going. Jump and kick down the oppenent once and land a hit, no problem, try it again,... WHACK your hit. Since you can't block a projetile with a projectile than you can't count on the computer fireballing you, just at the moment you throw one. It was not however, impossible.

The drawbacks to this game are not enough to turn you off completely. The only this I thought was bad was the pit fatalities now had to be done with a special button code. In MK the one pit level was easy, just uppercut and its done (down and high punch). Another thing that truely screwed up this violent opus was the additions of "Friendship" finishing moves and the "Babality" moves. Why would anyone want to turn their opponent into a fucking baby? After a match of me pounding my oppenent into a paste, why give them flowers before they die? Stupid. This was all done as a source for humor which is fine but fuck that noise its still,... STUPID. But it comes down to choice, if you don't those moves; don't do it! This game also was made for those who really only like to master the fighting of 1 character, so if your like me and you like using them all, then you'll have to memorize a shitload of moves. I however was a Kitana fan and she was the only character I could successfully use to bring down Kintaro.

This experience was needed to be brought home to console users. It was almost a damn law. No game this good could have just sat in the arcade. But the first MK was poorly handled by the 16 bit giants of the gaming industry; Nintendo and Sega. If the SNES's censorship of MK's successful gore effects didn't piss you off enough than the Genesis's version with its shitty graphics and sound would. Fans of MK again got nervous and held their collective breaths, myself included. How would the console developers handle MKII, would there be blood, plus real fatalities and if yes, then what would we lose? MKII was a big and expansive experience and everyone was unsure how it would be handled. How could they jam all the greatness into a 5 inch, 24 meg cart? What would change?

If you were an SNES owner, nearly NOTHING. Nintendo learned thier lesson and released a version of MKII that was and is comparable to MAME. Sounds were there and the graphics were spot on. Only little things were moved around, like smaller characters on screen or a fewer frames of animation. The SNES version blew me and everyone else away and outsold the weaker Genesis version by millions. All the blood and fatalities were intact and arcade junkies were happy. Console owners got thier 50 bucks worth. The Genesis version again was,... lame. sorry Sega fans, it sucked. Nintendo shined because of this. Now we had the blood that was missing from the first game and graphics that only the SNES was capable of delivering.
One has to wonder, Why didn't they re-release the first game WITH blood? Im sure it would have sold like crack. In the world of emulation and hacks there are now 'bloody verions' availiable from file sharing networks all over the web. Even an NES rom is availiable of MKII (thats not a typo someone actually made and hacked Mortal Kombat II for the old NES).

Nearly EVERY port had an MKII release. It was big and profitable in every aspect including... fucking merchandising. T shirts, comic books, action figures, just naming a few of MANY. I never got THAT into this series and honestly I have yet to find anyone that owns the Mortal Kombat gaming gloves that had the padded thumb protectors. Anyone still wearing a Mortal Kombat T-shirt is most likely still a virgin that is so fat that he hasn't seen his penis in 4 years. OK ok ok ok I won't like I bought the action figures, they were made by the same company that made the small GI Joes. This might be an explaination why I don't get laid as much as I'd like.
But more than all else, MKII gave Hollywood a vision and a movie of MK was made, and it wasn't bad. Really it was good. I love the (first!) Mortal Kombat film, and after bombs like Super Mario Bros and Street Fighter, I am surprised that Hollywood would even think of green lighting a MK movie. The film took a lot of creative license from Mortal Kombat 2 and not so much from the first game, which is another reason that this game won a spot at #1. If a video game can become a king in all media aspects than its more than just a damn video game, its pop culture.

This was the turning point for the 16 bit market. Who won the fight? Nintendo. The SNES had the best fighting game translation made for that time, and the more powerful systems still couldn't beat it. The Sony Playstion was 2 years away, and that so called 64 bit hunk of shit the Atari Jaguar didn't have an MK release nor did the 3do, so MKII was a fight for 16 bitters. Sega tried, oh they tried so hard, but not even the 32x attachment version of this game could help them from going in the toilet. Thats another reason this game gets this spot, because its part of video gaming history. Nintendo owes a lot of gratitute to MKII.

Mortal Kombat 3 came out almost 2 years later, and would be the game that would sink MK into a downward position on its rollercoaster-like lifespan. Why? because it wasn't as good as the one before it. MK is still alive on the modern systems and is doing well, but now the series is done with Hi-res 3d graphics and not digitized photo real sprites.

In fact, I'll be blunt MK3 sucked. I guess the lesson here is quit while your ahead, or at least before you make crap like Mortal Kombat: Mythologies: Subzero.

What makes a good fighting game?

In the 90's it was all about fighting games. Action filled the screen and provided something violent and powerful to gamers. Arcades at some point might have had more fighting games than shooters and maze games which really were the only games that arcades could get quarters from. Could you imagine Final Fantasy or other RPGs in an arcade?

As arcades profited hand over fist with games like Capcom's Street Fighter 2 and Neo Geo's Samurai Showdown and Midways' Mortal Kombat, gamers at home were playing the latest Mario spin off. Platformers ruled at this point, around the early 1990's.

Street Fighter 2 wasn't Capcoms first game from arcades to make it to the home systems but it is arguably one of the most successful. SF 2 was the first game cart I owned on the SNES and it was a lucky break for me, because I loved the arcade version of that game. In those days I didn't really care about the play mechanics, graphics or even the games story, I just digged how fun it was to kick ass. Every fighter had moves that made them unique, each fighter had a culture and storyline. My favorite character that I had learned every move for was Ryu, but as is turns out he was EVERYONE's fave. Every character was pretty kick ass to me, and they all became the token characters that every fighting game afterwards had to have. Without Ken and Ryu there wouldn't be a Sub-Zero and Scorpion.

But this article isn't all about Street Fighter 2, in fact this is merely an example of what you do right in a fighting game. I could mention better fighting games, like Samurai Showdown on the Neo Geo, but I'm going for commonality, who the hell really owned a Neo Geo system (I sure didn't)?

There is an ingredient list for a fighter and it goes a little something like this:

Good variety of selectable characters- A game should have a hero or heroes, but you should always be able to choose which you like, playable villains are a good treat as well. The characters need to me cool looking or at least interesting. Masks, costumes, uniforms, crazy hair, a clown suit, SOMETHING, don't just have them fighting in jeans and a concert tee unless its necessary to the character.

Fast paced but smooth action- The animation of a fighting game must be smooth, there must be many frames or at least enough so that you know what is going on and you don't suffer from that "what the hell was that" syndrome. As smooth as it all should be it needs to be fast moving as well, that is the fuel for action: speed.


Special Moves- The punch and the kick are required but just as much needs to be specials. Fireballs, spin kicks, something that knocks more off the opponents life bar other than punches. These moves are also a good way to show off to all the other putzes at the arcade or on the home system.

Good controls- Dammit NOTHING fucks up a game more than bad controls, not just fighters but ANY game. For a head to head fighting game there should be a directional pad or joystick that helps the opponent walk left to right, crouch and jump in any direction. What grinds my gears is when the game developers try to make a button for jump (Ala' Power Moves one of the worst fighting games ever). Hitting back on the D-pad should be block and Mortal Kombat broke that rule which is one thing I never liked about the MK series. There should also be buttons for the punches and kicks and another good piece of spice that most fighters do is have 2 or more different kinds of punches and kicks, otherwise it just gets boring.

Challenging (NOT CHEAP) Opponents (single player rule)- A challenge is when your opponent reads you or mirrors you. The AI of a fighting game should keep you on your toes by having a system of defending themselves and not letting you kick their ass. What the AI controlled character should NOT have is a set of moves and attacks that drain 1/2 of your life bar and never even let you try to bring them down. Most bosses in fighting games are extremely cheap so cheap that you lose no matter what you do. Kintaro and Goro were cheap, they had punches and specials that drained and trapped you into defeat. They however were able to be brought down by sticking to a pattern or combo that works (that takes forever to learn). Shao Khan was a bit easier, his specials could turn your fighter into mincemeat but his personality made him an easy target, but it was a challenging target nonetheless. During a match he would point at you and taunt you, giving you an opportunity to strike. I am a calm man, I should never need to throw my controller at the wall because Eyedol of Killer Instinct recharged his health after knocking me clear across the screen and took me out as soon as I got back up, that is just cheap bastard AI not challenging AI.

A World To Fight In- It doesn't have to be a very creative place but an interesting place. Behind the characters there should be something that gives us the impression that its a cool place to be duking it out. MK2 had great backgrounds, it was a surrealistic cornucopia of wastelands and armories and rooms in the sky. Things moved around like floating monks and people on fire, and I loved the giant bats on the 'Kombat Tomb' level. MK3 on the other hand gave us city streets, banks and subways which is the same shit we see everyday in the real world, that is laziness right there as if the design team just went to New York and took snapshots. While backgrounds should be cool, they should never be distracting. The Street Fighter: The Movie arcade game literally had clips of the movie playing on giant TV screens in the back of one of the levels which was total overkill.



A Reason To Fight AKA a good story- There are people fighting in a game, OK WHY? Post-nuclear war? International tournament? Revenge? Bringing down a criminal gang of mo-hawked thugs? Why is my character beating or getting beaten in this game? Gaming is a lot like Hollywood and plots, while ignored by many, offer home gamers a chance to really go deeper into the game and add to the replay value. I can remember trying to beat Mortal Kombat 2 with every character just to see the different endings, and that's getting your moneys worth. A fighting game can win bonus points with me if the story is original, there was so many games based on the idea that a 'tournament' was going on, and that gets stupid after awhile.

Good Graphics- Attention developers! Be as creative as with this, just make sure its interesting and I can see what the fuck I'm doing. This also can go hand in hand with the character rule.

Sound- Today's games have real MTV bands writing songs for games to supply background music. But in the old days developers had to get creative and get behind a synthesizer to give us the killer sound track that we heard in Killer Instinct. Another good layer to please the aural orifices is sound effects, and that's when you hear the bones breaking, the grunting, the screams, the kung foo yells, the body blows, and splatter of human remains of Mortal Kombat. On a system like the Super Nintendo there is no excuse to hear a blip or beep unless I've kicked a robot character in the throat.

These are not official rules but they are things that I pay attention to when I play a game. Many game developers break these rules and the results are never good. The aforementioned Power Moves game was a load of shit in so many ways but the main rule they broke was using a button to make your character jump, and that just fucks with me. Rise of The Robots only let you play as one character, which automatically made me hate the game and I hadn't even begun a fight yet. Bullshit! I could mention others but I'll refrain and save it all for my "Best of the Worst" segment in a later article (I can't wait to get to that one).

Sometimes developers bend the rules, and that works out well sometimes. As time goes by the rules change but the song should remain the same, so to speak. Mortal Kombat's 'block' button was and is a fine example, it took some getting used to, but it worked out. Killer Instinct sacrificed a good story in favor of fast action and great graphics, and I was still satisfied with the end result. The point is, a fighting game or any game needs these basic building blocks as a foundation, but a little extra here and a little less there never hurts but, go to far with or away from something and you've got a recipe for disaster.

These are also the things I'll be basing my reviews on. Its going to be tough because most of the games I've played are older and dated, but the point of most of my reviews should be this:

A true classic never ages.