Worst Fighting games of the 1990's-Part 4-Third time isn't the charm

Why WHY WHY are Shang Tsung's pants so tight? (Not... that... uhh i was uhh... looking.)

I'm lazy today. Screw it, not every Mortal Kombat game needs a standing ovation, especially this one.

Mortal Kombat 3

Midway/Willaims

1995

Hype does a lot of damage. We all loved and played MK2 until our fingers bled and our brains had turned to mush from trying to execute all the moves. Movies were made and merchandise was cranked out giving us the impression that this was no longer just a video game- it was culture. We had Mortal Kombat in our veins, we injected it, we loved it and craved it. All this hype is the excuse to why the third game was so... not good.

Before you all write to me, telling me that MK3 was a the best of the whole series, let me remind you that this game was- in so many ways- way too hype driven, and not at all an improvement in anyway of the previous game, even though it tried. It was almost like a repeat of a good Seinfeld episode, but with all the great parts taken out, like when Kramer says 'I'm out!' and throws his money on the table after losing a bet over masturbation. MK 2 was a gameplay spectacle that didn't need to be improved or changed. Leave it to Midway though, to keep up with the trends and make a 'combo-based' MK game.

Instead of the easy to execute combos that juggled your opponent around you were now forced to endure and ass kicking that was inescapable, should you find yourself on the receiving end (and against the computer that was quite often the case). Now you had to rapidly smash HK, HK BACK HK, or HP, HP, LP, HK, BACK+HK. If done correctly you could eat away a small chunk of someone elses life bar, if not then your fucked cause the computer is easily able to execute these combos.

HP, HP, LK, HK+BANG YOUR FUCKING HEAD AGAINST THE FUCKING ARCADE CABINET.

Killer Instinct was gaining ground and giving us fast action that the Mortal Kombat games didn't have (which was still ok, my eyes don't need 24-7 exercise from adrenaline junkie games). Mortal Kombat 2 was faster but as far as combos were concerned we had juggle moves that gave us the obligation to remember all these odd patterns. KI was successful and Mortal Kombats' third edition was on the table at Midway, which meant the game now had to compete, not just conquer the moment it hit arcades. Why Midway would compete with a game that THEY themselves also distributed is beyond me.

Along with a combo system that was too hard to keep on top of, there was the addition of bland characters that just... sucked. Stryker was my big gripe (or second actually). This guy was supposed to be a cop that was representing earth in a new Mortal Kombat and this pig was especially good at stopping riots. How? You might ask, well he's armed with a nightstick, a riot-made-rubber pellet gun, and some grenades. He looks like a bottle blond pansy, like the guys that pull you over for an illegal left turn and act like you've just burned an American flag. Sonya is back and played by an actress that isn't a very convincing martial artist. In fact I think she just got hired cause her tits are bigger than the original Sonya. The funniest thing is she does a vertical bicycle kick that looks like she's just doing aerobics. Jax got completely fucked with and was given new bionic arms. This game doesn't really take place in the future so to be honest the only way today's bionic arms would be of any combative use would be for you to remove one of them from your stumps and use it as a club. Leave it also to Midway to create ANOTHER stereotypical Native American Indian/Martial Artist with the NightWolf character (those spandex pants with the straps and revealing holes really speak pride and dignity of the American Indian)

The biggest sin this game committed was the loss of our beloved ninjas. Scorpion is gone but the games story doesn't explain why. Sub-zero is back but his mask is off and he's now dressed in an all-to-reveiling-bondage-like suit. The Bravehart inspired stripe down Zero's eye tell us that the designer couldn't think of much else to do other than give Sub-Zero a half-assed scar and no idea as to why he has it. What replaced the ninjas? These 2 robots that are obviously men in suits wearing plastic chest plates, and they both look the same aside from being palette swaps of one costume. Bullshit and lazy!

Sheeva was a great attempt at making all us 15-year old gamers horny and confused. Sheeva was a Goro like 4 armed character that is a woman with the biggest rack you've seen in a fighting game (in those days). The trouble is, those were fake boobs, you can tell because she doesn't have the 'bounce' of real tits like our Fatal Fury babe, Mai Shiranui. She was fun to play as but its just a desperate and obvious attempt at sex appeal. Again, LAME.

[Before you write me off as a pervert, first off YES I am, and second, imagine the sexual possibilities of a woman with 2 extra arms. close your eyes and think! Only a virgin would not find that hot.]

The only saving grace of the character line-up was that Kano was back, (Fuck yeah!) and Johnny Cage was gone (that actor was fired for the Bloodstorm ad thing) .

Fatality was the code word for the MK games and it made us so happy to disembowel our enemies. We love ripping the heads off, blowing up from the inside out, or just plain bleeding our opponents dry. This was an experience in video gaming that didn't need an improvement, just GIVE US MORE than 2 fatalities, PLEASE. Nope. Instead we get served with a stupid idea that must have been the idea of a fourth grader called 'Animalites'. Each character could now turn into an animal and attack them to kill them off . Most all of these finishing moves involved turning into a wolf and biting the opponents crotch. Hmm they must have ran out of ideas.

What really blew wasn't the playable fighters but the first boss. Motaro is the thing you fight before Shao Khan (again) and he's a centaur (you know half man-half horse) and he takes up about half the damn screen. Projectiles bounce off him and hit you, so forget about freezing or spearing him. Every hit he lands knocks you clear across the room and drains a third off your life bar. Its an experience so frustrating the controller might hit the wall 4 to 5 times before you actually win. Kintaro wasn't even this hard. The main trick to defeating Motaro is jump like a rabbit on meth and air kick him any chance you get but if he blocks it, he'll pick you up by your neck and pummel you.

Shao Kahn makes a return, (cause according to the games story, the second tournament never was finished) and this time he's brought his sledge hammer. Defeating this asshole will require a cheat code, some kind of trick, or about 50 tries. He now is armed with a huge sledge hammer that not only kills a third of the life bar but also makes you temporarily dizzy, thus giving Kahn another free shot at you. Another thing thats kinda stupid is that his weapon seems to come from behind his back, like as if he is a Warner Brothers cartoon character. So there you are running up to Shao Kahn ready to deal some damage and suddenly BAM! that fuckin hammer knocks you out, and Kahn-y can now put his boot into you while your reeling in pain. At least he's not as big a pain in the ass as Motaro.

This game didn't really say 'disappointing' until the hype had cooled and people had a chance to REALLY play the game. It was almost just like Mortal Kombat 2, but it wasn't. All our favorite characters were gone and replaced with duds. Midway must have listened to the crying and bitching, so they gave us the revamped version of MK 3 called Ultimate MK3.

Ultimate MK3 was an improvement. We got back all our ninjas, including the addition of 2 other pallette swaps that no one cared about (Raine, and Ermac). Millena and Kitana were back and we also got Jade and Smoke (the 2 hidden characters of MK2). It was so much better, and even now I wonder why they didn't just have us wait for THAT version rather than screw us with an MK game with so many holes in it.

Oh well, I'll still pick MK3 over the fourth Mortal Kombat game any day. That game was just wrong!